She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
