Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
