she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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