i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
