i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
