HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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