Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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