There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
