4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She is in my trunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We're too hungover to prance.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
