dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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