Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's always time for handjobs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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