my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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