ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do vagina's smell?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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