I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
