Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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