Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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