im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
