Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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