Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
