Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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