Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I understand Curling. That high.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just high enough for therapy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
