don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
