I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
