Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
