I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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