I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
