They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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