Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
