I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
