so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
