The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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