He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
