the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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