I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
