I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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