You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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