is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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