what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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