You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
