I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
