I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
