Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pants are for mortals
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
