Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
