i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's not cheating when I paid for it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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