Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
