So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
