Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize