And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He passed out mid-signature
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize