I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
