she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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