Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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