Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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