I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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