We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
