I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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