OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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