Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
whose parrot is this?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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