My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
