Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
