He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
