So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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